You Me and We.

my so called perfect life.
it isnt that perfect anymore.
i have been crying myself to sleep.
my parents worry for my tuition daily.
mom has been crying.
it hurts. it really does.
dad has changed.
but still, i know they still love me.

to waikin,
i hope you sees this.
what happen to our best friend forever.
you have changed.
ever since joey said.
why last time you find amanda, now you find cynthia.
it hit me.
why must i see it after that incident?
well, cos i trusted you too much.
no, i am not saying cynthia . ok?
its just, ever since that incident,
it really hurts me.
i thought friends were always there for you?
but now, you are not.
whenever i am down,
you werent there.
whenever i am hurting, you didnt care.
well, i want to shoot you now.
who was the one who tried to cheer you up when you cry.
WHO.
well, now i say.
i dont need you anymore.
cos i cnt trust a single guy except my family.
and what my sis says is right.
no guy is nice unless they really like you.
all those about i will care for you as a friend
its all nonsense.

this morning, my sis told me.
jie, your eyes look like panda.
its like losing its colour.
all black.
i really want to share everything with her.
but i just dont knw how to communicate with her.
but sis, i love you.

God, i hope you will plant someone here for me.
who cares for me, love me,
when i am angry, they will calm me and understand me.
its not that i want to vent the anger on them.
its just, i cnt control.
when i talk, they will listen.
not change the topic or dont answer me at all.
am i born to be surrounded by people who doesnt even hear me?

my school, church and all.
i am just standing on a thin line of ice.
below it, its all sharks.
and i didnt know it,
until i fell into the water.
sinking...
falling..
drowning..