You Me and We.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

this pain is really beyond description.
why is it that i have yet to come into terms with the fact that you are gone?
why is it that i still cry when listening songs and you would appear?
why is it that i always manage to relate television dramas and stuff to you and her and i?
why is it that you had made such a huge impact in me?
b, there is so many whys i want to ask.
but i answer i know for sure.
i really miss you.
and seeing that you and i are no longer friends,
i really blame myself for falling too deep for you.

tomorrow is graduation day.
going to be tortured with a tie around my neck.
however, the hilarious thing is, after tomorrow,
we still have to go back to school.
laughs. then what is the point of having a graduation day,
when we are not even graduating yet?
so much of my imagination of being able to stay at home to sleep.

if God is going to give me another chance, i would tell him, erase this boy from my heart and mind. Because, i truly regretted knowing and falling for him.

Saturday, September 19, 2009

trying to talk with tears on your face really itch and hurts.
was totally in a terrible mood today.
dad was ruining it the entire day -.-.
no idea what is wrong with him today.
literally pissed off with him.
yet, sigh. everyone have mood swings dont they?

while having lunch today,
i walked past one shop with glass doors around it.
i paused to stare at my reflection and stuff.
suddenly, i thought of you.
i was so pissed off,
i nearly smashed the window.
in the end, i just clenched my fist,
held back the tears, and moved on.
and i concluded that he is only in my thoughts
you are everywhere.
i really miss you.
i don't mind losing this battle.
but i really want you by my side.
boy, i really want to tell you, i cant get you out of my mind.
after days and weeks of denying and lying,
i am finally admitting, i still miss you.
though i am not sure if i truly liked you,
i do miss you.
though i understand why you like her till the extend of holding on,
because she is just better than me in every area.

i never loved a guy so much before. So, why must you be the first?

Friday, September 18, 2009

sigh, i am totally disappointed at my prelim results.
but i am thankful to God i scored a B3 for my e maths paper 1.
i continue to pray for miracles to happen in olevels.

though my friends are busy counting down to olevels,
to me, i am not even sure how many days are left -.-.
all i know, 22 october is the official date for the olevels.
and i am definitely working hard to score in my olevels.
i don't wish my parents to get disappointed again.
neither do i want history to repeat itself.

anyway, i finally got my new pair of spectacles.
though many find it a waste of money, i dont.
haha, now i can change anytime from white to black when i feel like it.
how cool is that?(:

when i saw you today, i broke down. i started thinking of you.
i just could not get you out of me.
i must admit, you were the first i truly loved,
and the first i truly regretted getting too involved into you.
lastly, you were the first i truly experienced jealousy, hurts, hates
and yet finally, love.
i just want to tell you this, you were the very first in me, yet i was the last in you.
just when i thought i moved on with dignity,
i was struck down by humiliation and hurts.
and yes, i still love you.
but the irony fact is, i have moved on.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

i want to scream out loud.
i want to cry out loud.
i want to be how happy i used to be.
i do not wish to get stuck into a lifeless body with only hurts and sorrows.
i do not want to change because of an incident.
i really moved on. yet, it does not feel good.
i rather have him replaced by other guys than you replacing him.
you kept appearing in my mind and i failed to control it.
i have already lost half of this battle.
though i am losing, the other half of the battle, i will leave it to God.
at the same time, i pray that a miracle would happen.
drank a small cup of wine yesterday night under mom's offer.
seriously, i prefer beer -.-

yesterday went out nearly the whole day with cynthia, jiayi, joey, kelly and xiuyu.
laughs, i suck at arcade games.
well, what to do? good girls like me do not hang out in arcades, that is why.(:
though prelims are finally over,
the biggest challenge of the year have not started.
so i am off to study now.(:

i want to win this battle. Lord, just once.

Monday, September 14, 2009

oh my gosh, watched girl on girl at clicknetwork.tv
what the crap. -.-
it was about 6 girls doing stuff that men can do faster.
like climbing the army obstacles, catch cockroach, opening durains, play soccer.
and finally, change car tires.
its seriously sick after seeing these videos.
is like why?
why do guys like to get themselves sweaty and stuffy and sticky and eww?
i mean, catch cockroach?
GOSH, execute me dude!
change car tires? Just dial the fixing guy or some hot driver down the road?
play soccer? eww. hitting my head with a ball is so not cool.
and it hurts!
climb obstacle? gosh, me suffering to save the country.
ha ha ha. not to be mean or anything but.
climb a rope or the wall and hurt my back and face and nails?
God, thank you for creating me as a girl.
hahaha. :D

so girls now you know the importance of having a guy at home.
make them cook and catch insects and stuff.
finally, if your car break down, always always have a guy inside the car.
make them push the car and sweat in the sun fixing the tires,
while you enjoy his hot body.
how cool is that?(:

went to school with a really bad mood.
though it was expected, i am sorry to joey and waikin for blowing out my anger.
i was seriously hurt and disgusted the day before, that was why.
dang the fan who distracted me throughout the entire paper
i wasted a whole of 15 mins with my hair and flew off papers and stuff.
stupid fan, i hope you run out of battery! ):

well, but jj managed to cheer me up with his hilarious replies of messages.
i must say, this tutor never fails to make me laugh, even though i bet he does not know it.
and to jj, my hilarious mean tutor, i love cats more than dogs!
so don't you dare kill my cat, if i own one, after o levels.
haha.(:

literally, i am afraid that i am starting to like you.
this fear is the same as the fear i had when i was about to lose him.
indeed i had lost him now, and the distance between you and i are really far apart.
however, i am afraid of loving you.
and yes, i am denying the fact that, i am going to fall for you.

i am really tired of my emotions because, i no longer know who i am inside.

Friday, September 11, 2009

It did hurt me from the start when i found out what happened to you.
However, after taking time to think,
I wiped the tear off and smiled.
To me, you deserved it.
When i was hurt by you, you knew it.
Yet, you feign ignorance.
Let me tell you this, kid.
I enjoy hearing you getting hurt.
Because you completely ruin everything for me just when i trusted you most.
You left her with such a speech.
And you left me without a word.
I am not jealous, i just couldnt see why you were such a lag
and you loved her when you knew, i trusted you most.
Perhaps, you took me only as a friend.
God knows maybe, you took me as a play toy.

Anyway, today is seriously a dang tiring day for me.):
Dressed up and met cynthia and joey at tamp. inter.
Laughs, joey gave me that face and said something depressing.
I am not going to eat for the next couple of days, thanks to her D:
F.-.-
After that, walked around and finally met clara.
Ate, walked to church, watched fireproof.
Seriously, this movie is superb.
Hilarious, touching, romantic.
I always remember these line.
'If someone is a gentleman, he would not woo a lady who is having a relationship.'
'Taking vows is not just a contract. They are a covenant.'
'To love is to be patient and to respect.'
Out of 10, i would rate it full marks.
Haha. Alright, off to sleep.
I am so dead tomorrow.):

Meeting cell at bedok reservoir at 12.30 tomorrow.
Having tuition at 10 tomorrow.
GAH, tiring! D:
you are so dead and gone baby.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

I am seriously dang pissed off.
I have no idea why, but i hate the fact that you are always with her.
You promised to be here for me and next, you went back to her.
I never felt so jealous and angry and mad and pissed off before.
You stupid gay, why did you come into my life and ruin everything for me?
I literally hate you, like seriously.
Your promises were such a fake.
It was just words coming out from your mouth, not heart.

I do not want to lose any friendship.
But, the more i see you flirting with her,
the more i have the urge to kick your balls and slap you in the face
and yes, its not out of anger.
I really mean it.
I do not wish to hate her either.
It is none of her business.
Yet, the more i see her talking to you,
the more i start to get jealous of her, and hate the both of you.
I am sorry girl, but, i have no idea why i am feeling like this too.

its more of, i hate you now rather than i like you.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

took a train down to meet jon at orchard today after fnn.
hilarious. i nearly got lost when i reached orchard.
yes, reason was, i didnt know where the crap was the control station -.-.
so yea, was like a fool standing there turning in circles. LOL.
thank god he spotted me and called me. pfft.

was really tired.
went to ion and lucky plaza
and we were like staring and walking in circles.
hilarious. I am surprised, literally.
Ion is so dang empty in terms of customers
and it can still be there at orchard road. Wow.
Miracle.

and what the crap.
i did got all the malls name wrongly.
the directions wrongly.
and yes, i know jon, you are tempted to call me bimbo.
and yea, i know you did call me dumb! -.-.
people listen! i am no bimbo nor dumb.
its just, orchard is BIG.
and seriously, why would i care about the name of the mall?
pfft. sickening. ):

i am so tired, i can collapse any moment right now.

yes, i no longer need you anymore. You are just another bad memory like the rest.

Monday, September 7, 2009

Went for a mini shopping spree with mom for the past few days.
Bought a 3inch heel from Americaya at Isetans.
Wow, simply love it! :D
They had this crazy sale and from 50.60, i only bought it for 43.60
haha, love it. (:

Sigh, its holidays for people.
But ghee, it isnt for me -.-.
I am grounded to stay at home and study my guts out.
Sigh, just another 1 more month and its all over!
haha.

anyway, recently, things have been great and weird for me.
1) I am addicted to heels and dresses and denim skirts.
2) I have sudden urge of grabbing my phone and wallet and barge out of the house.
3) I have a crazy appetite for ice cream and chocolates D:
4) I am messaging more than i should to the extend, my hand hurts -.-.
5) I am getting addicted to tv
6) I actually stay up late to do revision.
So well, maybe its due to stress and o levels. Ha ha.(:
Going out with jon on wed, i hope it would be successful.
And yes, i do hope i will be alive after that -.-.

though i still think of you, i have moved on.

Friday, September 4, 2009

Back from a long week of prelims, revision and studies.
The papers seemed manageable. Yet, i am not sure if i can do well for it.
I am worried sick for my studies, gosh.):

Today was hilarious.
Went to kfc with joey, cynthia and waikin.
Had heart to heart chat with joey and cynthia.
Yea, waikin was just being a block of wood sitting over there.
Hearing the girls speak. hahaha.
and yes, i am moving on.
i see no point in holding on when you changed so much in an instant.
i really miss you, but seeing that you told me that you liked her back.
i really see no point in holding on when you can move on so quickly.
i wish you the best in everything that you do.
may it be on the fact that we no longer talk,
i will still treasure the past we had shared together.
dude, you have expired in my heart.
but still, i thank you for all the memories you left.
painful or not, it left a huge impact to me.

to joey and clara, i have moved on, but not to _____ ! hahaha. -.-

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

finally, after a long time of praying and hoping
i finally went to catch a movie with Clara yesterday
Wanted to catch orphan but to our disappointment, they only have night shows for that.
What the crap -.-, so in the end was forced to watch where got ghost.
Seriously, i literally mean force.
Clara started off with pleading, then force, then with threats -.-.
So i had to give in. Dang. ):

Seriously, there is a problem with Singaporeans.
Really, there is something wrong with them.
What is so funny about the ghost suddenly appearing?
The whole cinema was enjoying the show
while i was freaking out every time the scary music appeared -.-
YES, i even screamed because of the music.
YES, i screamed when everyone stopped screaming.
YES, i screamed, paused, breathe, screamed again, and finally laughed.
YES YES YES, at some points, i did not even know what i was screaming for.
and yes, i bet you are smart enough to conclude
for the entire movie, whenever the scary music appeared
i ducked right into my cardigan, covering my entire face, screaming at Clara.
LOL.
Embarrassing D:
even after the movie, when i stood up, people was staring at me -.-.
DANG!
but overall, the movie was nice, meaningful, but scary.(:

After movie went for a little shopping.
Saw a grey halter neck tee at purpur
fell in love with it immediately.
Bought it, and both of us bused home.
the end of the lovely outing we had after so many months of not going out together!
p.s natalie and prico, WHERE GOT GHOST IS SCARY! ):
i even had problems sleeping last night -.-

i realised only yesterday, its going to be a month since you left. Time is moving so fast.
Yet, i thought it was only a few weeks.
i really miss you and i am really struggling to move on.
Ever since you left, i have changed completely.
You made me so dependent on you, so vulnerable.
Now, because of you, i feel so cold inside.
You left me with uncountable questions of why.
And finally, where ever i go, it would remind me of you.
Anytime, anywhere, the memories haunt me, even though you are long gone.